To my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy on your second birthday,

"I have died everyday waiting for you
 Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more."
-Christina Perri


 Oh my darling Munchkin, growing so big and so fast right before my very eyes! When I hear that song on the radio, even with you sitting right behind me gazing out the window looking for "tucks!" it makes me tear up thinking of how Daddy and I waited, month after month for a year to see that wonderful positive sign on the pregnancy test! And even though you're only two years old today (Happy birthday, love bug!) I truly do feel like I have always known and loved you, for my whole life, you've been a part of me- the best part of me- waiting to come out. And yes, finally, time and our Father in Heaven brought you to us. What lucky, blessed, unworthy people we are to be blessed with your care!


I know when you're a bit older that you will have years of discovering who you are and what you want from this life- those so-called Wonder Years. But for me and for your daddy, these years with you while you're small are our Wonder Years. It is truly an awe-inspiring wonder to witness how you change, grow, and learn every day. Daddy and I laugh in amazement every day about how much you TALK! Sometimes it is your own language, but more often than not it is clear as a bell, full sentences, and sometimes verbatim from what you've heard others say. Some of your favorite things to talk about are trucks, trains, cars, airplanes, helicopters and "moto-bikes." You are so smart and know the names of all kind of different automobiles: fuel trucks, transporters, bull dozers, tractors, dump trucks, and so on. You call them out by name as we see them driving down the road. You LOVE the movie Cars, and often will re-enact the tractor tipping scene with your own Mater and Lightning McQueen cars and a few other match box cars playing the part of the tractors.


 You are forming quite an imagination, and talk to your toys as if they are your friends, which absolutely delights me. You have also started using your blocks to pretend they are other objects- such as an ice cream cone. That's one of your favorite games to play with Mommy- stacking up three blocks and saying, "Mmmm, ice cream! Yummies!" while taking pretend licks and bites off your blocks. A lot of the time when you ask me to play, you really just want me to watch you play, which is fine with me.



You and your Daddy are great, great buddies. Your face absolutely LIGHTS UP when he is home, and when he comes through the door, you greet him with shouts of, "Daddy here! Daddy here! Hi, Daddy!" followed by a great big hug! You two love to wrestle, and Daddy is so, so good about letting you be a big boy, encouraging you to try to work things out before coming to your rescue like I am often too quick to do. Daddy also takes you outside a lot, which you love, and the two of you play with what you call "tubs" but are really your golf clubs. I have to say, your swing is actually impressive, as is your ability to throw and kick a ball.


As far as your personality, you do love playing with friends and have a few favorites. Aiden, Caleb, "Ash-y" or Miss Ashley, "Wobyn" or Miss Robyn and her little girl, "Baby" whose name is actually Landon Lea, "Tee Tee" or Miss Katie and her little girl Bella Grace, and of course, Na Na (Miss Amanda),Na-fan (Mr. Nathan), Bet-it (Becket) Cate (Mary Cate) and Baby Wucy (Lucy)top the list. You are not a big fan of large crowds of kids right now. I found that out the hard way after trying out the splash pad and the mall play place on crowded days. In those larger crowds you hang back, watch the other kids, and try to find your own space away from the majority of the others. You much prefer smaller groups to play in, and when you get together with your buddies your wild, silly, high energy self comes out and you have a blast.


You are growing so, so fast my sweet boy. I struggle daily between running to you immediately after you fall and letting you pick yourself up off the floor. In my head, I know that it's important to let you become more independent, to shake off the bumps and bruises and get back to playing. But in my heart, I know that all too soon the day will come when hugs and kisses from your mama will be the LAST things you'll want, and I want to soak up every chance I get to snuggle, console and enjoy this time with you.


 Before long you will be a big brother, my little man. You will have a baby sister watching you, how you play, how you explore, how you treat her. She will want to do everything you do right along side you and I hope you'll let her. My hope and prayer for you is that you continue to grow into the sweet, smart, caring, funny and generous boy I see in you. I pray that you love and dote on your sister, that even though she WILL bug you, take your toys, and crowd you and your friends, that you will allow her to be your friend. My greatest hope for you and your sister is that you become the kind of friends and siblings, bonded by shared memories of your crazy parents, that will take care of each other after Daddy and Mommy are gone. I am so, so proud to be your Mommy, and I want you to know that I am working each day to be worthy of you! Happy Birthday, my sweet wonderful Munchkin.


"Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better"
 -John Lennon

In the last six months...

Yes, it has been SIX months since I've blogged. So, to keep it brief while updating this blog about our family's latest news, I'm just going to go with list form here. Then maybe I'll get back to blogging on a more regular basis, say, every two months. :) 1. The Wiz is still working at his company's home office in Chicago. The Munchkin and I are still.living.in.SC. We have had ZERO luck selling our home on our own. This means The Wiz has been flying (on his company's tab, thank GOODNESS!) home just about every weekend and commuting back to Chicago on Sunday nights or Monday mornings to spend a week working and living out of his suitcase. NOT the easiest time in our marriage. But, I will say that it has helped us really strive to make the most of our time together as a family and a couple, it has forced us to improve our communication, and it has helped me realize just how INCREDIBLE my family is. I don't know what I'd do many afternoons if my mom and dad weren't willing to come by after work or cook us dinner at their house. 'Cause sometimes, y'all? Mama needs a BREAK. I don't have a clue how single parents DO IT. 2. The upside is this- The Wiz's company has graciously struck a deal to give us a full relocation package. This means that we are currently working with one of their realtors to get our house listed, and making appointments for appraisers to come out to the house to get this house SOLD. If it doesn't sell within 90 days of being on the market, his company will buy our house from us. AND THEN WE CAN ALL BE TOGETHER AGAIN AS A FAMILY!!!!WOOOOOHOOOOO!!! Of course, this means we'll be living in Illinois, 600 miles from our family, friends and the only home I've really known for the past 20 plus years, but I can't think of all that right now. 3. Despite all of The Wiz's traveling, he still managed to get me knocked up. That's right, I'm currently about 26 weeks pregnant with a sweet baby due in November!! Haha!!! The belly is steadily growing, and Munchkin looooves to hug and kiss it, "his baby". On a daily basis I shake my head in disbelief that I'm going to have two- TWO little ones by Christmas. WHA?? I am feeling like the luckiest, most blessed, most ill-prepared girl in the world! Ha! I'm trying to prep my routine-loving self to be ready for the reality that for a while after this baby comes, there will be no routine, and we'll be finding our new normal. 4. Did I mention- baby is a GIRL. That's a whole different post, but I will say that I'm soooo excited! 5. This pregnancy has been extremely hard on my body, specifically my heart, as compared to my first. Long story short, I have a congenital heart defect and at about 16 weeks along I found myself in what's called Atrial Flutter- basically my heart was racing and I couldn't catch my breath. This went on pretty much an entire day before I called my cardiologist. In the end, I was rushed to a hospital 2 hours away, prepped, and in the end they had to use the defibrilator machine to jump my heart out of the fast rhythm to a normal rhythm. The most terrifying part was worrying about my baby, especially when they couldn't find her heartbeat when two different people tried with the doppler after my procedure. Thank the LORD that the third person, a doctor using the ultrasound machine, found that baby girl was alive and well. 6. Since then I've been trying to take it easy, taking my heart meds, avoiding caffeine and depending a lot on my family to help with the Munchkin. I've had to get creative to find ways to get him exercise and get him play time as much as possible, while avoiding the ridiculous southern heat that leaves me breathless and exhausted. But we're getting there- 26 weeks and counting. 7. Lastly, amidst all of the exciting going-to-be moving news, and going-to-have-a-baby news, my cardiologist has strongly recommended that I have the baby at the hospital where I was treated for my heart condition earlier in the pregnancy. Which means no moving before the baby comes. Which means if our house sells before the 90 days are up (the 90 days haven't started yet, as we have some things to finalize before putting the house on the market) then we'll probably move in with my parents until the baby comes. This means my nesting/need to organize/need to plan to prepare for this baby has kind of been blown to bits. In the most basic sense, I have no idea exactly where I'll be living when this baby comes, or when we'll find a place to live in Chicago, when we'll move all of our stuff and our family, and how I'll manage a two year old, a newborn, unpacking a house, and living in a brand new city and state all at the same time. For now, it's going to have to be one day at a time, with my eyes pointed upwards towards Him who holds our future in His hands.

18 months!!

Ohh, my baby is getting to be a big boy more and more each day. I can't believe he is half way through his SECOND year of life!! Our Munchkin is such a joy to us always, although he is entering into the "Trying Two's" stage it seems. Here are a few things that Munckin is doing, saying, and enjoying these days....
-The Munchkin is talk, talk, talking. At last count, he has over 50 words, including "buebewwies" (blueberries), milk, truck, bath, dog, "Amy" (his mother's morning out teacher) and "Sydney" (our dog's name) and "Pop" or "Papa" for my dad.
-He loves his bath time, absolutely HATES having his diaper changed or clothes changed. It is a battle every.single.time to do either one of those despised activities.
-He loves all types of play from coloring, tinkering with his workshop, pulling his doggy or xylophone around the house, digging in his kitchen drawer or enjoying his "poor man's trampoline"- pillows on the floor.
-Jumping up and down and falling on his bottom is one of the Munchkin's favorite things, and he laughs hysterically at himself when he does it.
-The Munchkin has a great sense of humor and especially loves funny noises and faces. He loves making the noises and faces, and he loves it when other people make them.
-He is a ridiculous FLIRT! Old ladies in line at Target, little girls in the cry room at church- it doesn't matter. My boy will bat his insanely long eyelashes at the chosen lady and *snap* they are under his spell. I'm in trouble!
-Being still- not so much for this kiddo. He is what they call "all boy" and rough housing is his game. I have to be very careful if I try to lay on the floor bc before I can blink he will climb on top of me and bouncing as if my belly is a trampoline.
-He loves animals and constantly repeats their names and the sounds they make whenever he sees one. Any time we see a dog- "Dawwwwg" (yes, he says it with a southern drawl!)Although "birds" is said as if he's from Jersey- "boids". His favorite lately seems to be "mooooo!" because last month's craft at Mother's Morning Out included coloring a Cow for the "God Made the Animals" theme. His cow is hanging up on our bulletin board and every time he passes it--"Mooooo!!!!"
-Munchkin is also a dancin' fool! It's a very Elaine Bennis from Seinfeld move-mostly head shaking, foot stomping, but it's precious! One of his favorite songs is the theme song from Thomas the Train show.
-Speaking of trains, Munchkin is obsessed! We have train tracks a few miles from our house and we can hear the trains blowing their whistles. As soon as the first whistle sounds, Munchkin is frantically signing "train" and saying "Choo-chooooo! Choo-chooooo!"
-Munchkin also seems to have a bit of Mama's temper and Daddy's stubbornness. He is prone to frustration (which I've read is typical of this age) and whining and crying is his immediate reaction when he can't figure something out easily. He will also act out by hitting and or biting (especially Mommy) if he's angry. I've been trying to follow my pediatrician's advice by trying Time Out in cases of hitting, and ignoring other temper tantrums. We also are being very purposeful about being consistent, and doing what we say we're going to do.
-Overall, I'd have to say Munchkin's favorite play mate is DADDY. They have such fun together, throwing the ball around (Munchkin has an amazing arm in my biased opinion!)practicing with golf clubs, watching Poppey hit balls at the club, or just rough housing. Munchkin love, love, loves his daddy.
-Book are also a favorite still for Munchkin. The library is a weekly stop for us, and Munchkin really enjoys books about trucks, animals (dogs especially), rhyming books, books with sports or balls, and trains. I try to get a range of topics, and expand his interests to things that aren't totally boy-ish, but his interests seem to remain the same.
-Munchkin, sadly, also learned the word "mine." I'm convinced he learned it at Mother's Morning out because The Wiz and I have tried very hard to say things like, "This is Daddy's. That is Mommy's," instead of using the dreaded word "mine." (NOT that I'm blaming MMO or upset with them- it's a natural thing for kids this age to use the word "mine." I absolutely LOVE our MMO and Munchkin's teachers!) He even clutches the object (whatever it is he doesn't want to share) tightly to his chest and gives the stink eye when he's shouting "mine." Sigh.

We are truly having so much fun with our little man, and each day serves as a learning experience for all three of us. Now it is so much more than just simply caring and protecting this beautiful child. Now is when the parenting really kicks in, and you have to make sure you know what you believe, how you want your child to act, and how you're going to get him to act, and what you're going to do if he doesn't behave like you want him to. You have to be firm but not lose your schmidt after he smacks you in the eye because it's time to leave the playground and he doesn't want to. Now, too, the terror sets in because he is really truly mobile, so so fast, and has a stuborn will of his own. The idea that he could take off in a parking lot or store haunts me, thus he spends a lot of time in his stroller or store carts. I'm just not ready to let him roam nor do I feel like he'd hold my hand for more than 30 seconds in a store. We're living, learning, and loving in our own little Oz! Thanks for reading!

And then you realize....

That you have PMS. Because after posting a full-on-woe-is-me-my-life-is-so-hard blog rant....you get your period.

That your life is SO.EASY. Because you spend time with a friend whose child is struggling with physical and emotional issues. A child whose physical ailments keep her awake for hours at night, meaning my friend and her husband sometimes only get 3 hours of sleep. A night. For days on end.


That you are blessed. Because you have the privilege of loading your child into a very safe, reliable vehicle, packed with a warm coat and lots of snacks for an outing to the zoo. Because you get to spend a Tuesday morning watching the wonder in your child's eyes as penguins slice past us through the water.


That God's mercy and grace are the only things that matter. Because after reflecting on these last two facts, and comparing those facts to my behavior, selfish and self-centered attitude, I remember that He still loves me. He is going to love me through every moment, every bad decision, every time I approach him on my knees in regret, every time I rejoice over my child, every moment my selfishness overtakes me, through it all. I neither deserve nor appreciate His mercy and grace enough, because of the simple fact that I am human. But I will fight to be more like Him, to seek Him, to love my son, my husband, family and friends as he loves- through every one of their weak moments, through every one of the disappointing moments, through every one of their triumphs. God, help me to love like you do!

Confessions of an Angry Housewife

Before I begin, let me just say that I know, in my heart and in my head, how lucky I am. I have a beautiful, healthy, amazing son, and a wonderful husband who loves me. I have a roof over my head that brings me shelter, comfort and provides a place for my family to grow and bond. I have great friends, and the best family a person could ask for. I get it. I know this, and I am eternally grateful.

But.


But somedays, sometimes, a girl just gets sick and tired of some things. Sometimes a girl takes a look at her life, at the way she spends her time, at the first things to enter her mind each morning (Tuesday. Floor Day. Must make sure I move all the chairs off the hardwoods. Pack Munchkin's snack for preschool. Return faulty baby gate to store.) before her feet even hit the floor, and sometimes that girl just can't.take.another.second.

When I dreamed of staying at home with my children, I didn't dream of feeling like the maid. I didn't dream of sweating by 9 am every morning, attempting to get myself, my little person, and all of our collective crap out the door. I didn't dream of feeling as if my home OWNED me, owned my time, owned the majority of my thought life. I didn't dream of the resentment I'd feel at going to the bathroom while keeping my wriggly, tantrum throwing son away from the toilet brush. I certainly didn't dream of the guilt that would flood through me every single time I spoke too sharply, or felt relief when dropping the Munckin off at preschool. (Two and a half hours all to myself!!! Oh. Hell. It's Floor Day. #$&#($($#&!!!)

I had no idea what I was asking for when I decided to stay at home. And those of you out there reading this, who've never stayed home with your children, and are scoffing at my resentments- this blog entry is not for you. I don't know what your life is like, and you don't know mine. It's my blog and I'll write what I want to. :)) I can't count how many times I've wondered, as I'm scrubbing the floor, folding another load of laundry, picking up yet.another.pea. off the floor or getting kicked in the boobs AGAIN while trying to change the poopy diaper of a screaming toddler, WHAT IS THE POINT??????

Did I work all my life- for THIS? My parents raised both my sister and I to believe that college was neither- 1)optional nor 2) a place for us to solely search out our "MRS. degree." Of course, family and having kids has always been a goal of mine, a dream of mine. I couldn't wait to be able to stay home with my kids, and avoid the unbelievable stress of having to work outside the home and raise kids and take care of a home. Until that happened, I was going to teach. And teach I did. I chose teaching bc I was good at it, and bc I couldn't imagine getting up each morning and going to a job that I didn't feel had worth or value. Making money was (obviously) not my first priority. I wanted to do something important. Something that made the world a better place.

But now, my second year away from the classroom, I just don't know what my purpose is any more. I know the time I spend with the Wiz- reading, playing, teaching, talking, singing, disciplining, laughing, and yes, changing diapers/bathing/feeding/nurturing- all of those things have purpose and value. I realize that being a mother (whether it's stay at home or not) is a MOSTLY thankless job. (Hello, I was a teacher for 6 years. That's probably one of the top 5 other most thankless jobs out there, right behind mother and trash collector. I'm used to it.) But with teaching I felt that just about everything I did had a purpose. Even the small, annoying, tedious things had value, contributed to the bigger picture of educating these kids. Standing in front of a copy machine, enduring finger cramps from cutting out countless bears/bunnies/gingerbread men out of construction paper, and yes even the most POINTLESS of " district staff development" meetings. I always seemed to endure those much more willingly than I am able to endure the same level of tedium as a homemaker.

You know that old adage about the needle and the haystack? I feel as if the needle in my haystack is my Purpose, or my Value. The haystack- each tiny, itchy piece of hay- are the tedious, humbling, boring tasks that I am stuck with. They are weighing down on my purpose, suffocating it.

Big News! (It's NOT what you think!)

** Disclaimer- as this is a public blog, I don't use formal names but instead refer to hubby as The Wiz and to our little guy as The Munchkin. For all of you friends and family reading this blog for the first time, just wanted you to know.)**


No, we're not currently pregnant. (Silly friends! That's a simple FB status post.
This news is going to require a little more info and detail than that, although it would be a wonderful, welcome blessing to have that news again!)

My dear, wonderful, sweet hubby, who works so hard and who always has the big picture in mind, who works for our well-being and for our future, has received a (well-deserved) job promotion. It is truly a wonderful thing, and I am so excited for him. He will be working in a managerial level for his large, international company, doing national training for patient services. He has been really wanting to get into a leadership role (as I'll attest this is one of his strong suits-leading) and this is just such an opportunity.

This opportunity is also located in Chicago, Illinois, where the home office of his company is located. Which means, dear friends and family (drum roll!)...... after 21 years of living in South Carolina, this lil' southern transplant is MOVING.

Now I've had my share of moves throughout my life. We moved from Rhode Island to SC when I was 9 for my dad's job. I spent one ill-advised semester at a rather, ahem, "rural" in-state university until I realized I missed the 'big city' of Columbia and game home to blessed Univ. of S. Carolina, where I earned my bachelor's and master's degrees.

Through college (and after!) I moved lots of times- out of dorm rooms, into different apartments, back home for grad school, back to apartments with roommates, without a roommate, back to a roommate, then finally into our current home when the Wiz and I got married.

I know this entire state (it seems) like the back of my hand. I know the short cuts, the rough parts of town, the bad traffic spots to avoid, and approximately how long it will take to get pretty much anywhere within my beautiful state of South Carolina. I have memories and experiences associated with almost every local neighborhood, shopping center, and area of my suburb.

If you put a map of Columbia, SC and its outlying parts in front of me, I could turn it into a map of my childhood, adolesence and adulthood. It would be scratched through with first date spots, prom dinners, first (and second, and third) speeding tickets, first place I bought a car, first place I was kissed, childhood homes where I spent hours upon hours laughing with girlfriends, talking on the phone, studying for tests and putting together papers for school. I could circle all of the schools I subbed in, was an intern and student teacher, and taught as a professional teacher.
I would draw hearts around those places that hold memories of my courtship with the Wiz, all of those places that hold meaning for us. From the college football stadium, the quiet, romantic restaurant where we ate our first meal, the creaking wooden swing by the ocean where The Wiz proposed, the old mill where we took engagement photos, the sweet, cozy eatery where we hosted friends and family for our rehearsal dinner, the beautiful church where we promised to forsake all others and love only each other. I would draw a star, giant and golden, where our breathtakingly adorable and sweet son was born.

This place, all of these moments- this is the fabric that has stitched together the last 21 years of my life.

But now, with lots of prayer, with home, with pride about my husband's accomplishment, it's time to add another square to the quilt that makes up our life together. Illinois is beckoning.

I would be lying if I said I was ready, but I am honestly willing. I will spend the next few months, as The Wiz commutes from Chicago to SC on the weekends until our house sells or until his company buys it, is fervent prayer. I am going to miss my South Carolina life with a vengeance. I am incredibly close with my family, always have been, and I'm not sure what life looks like without them as a weekly part of it. My prayers will focus on asking God for his peace, trying to increase my trust in his plan for our family, and asking that he keep us on his path by putting us in the right neighborhood, putting the right people in our path, and so on.

We are figuring that the Munchkin and I probably won't make the move until March or April, as his company usually asks that we try to sell our house for 90 days before they will buy it. So until then, I plan to soak up my friends, my family, this beautiful, mild weather, (insert laugh track) and researching my future city. I aim to look at this new step as an adventure. A new place means layer upon layer of discoveries to be made. It means I am getting a fresh, new, unmarked map upon which to make memories. I aim to walk towards this door with excitement and hope for what our new life can be, while keeping a firm hold on who I am, from where I came, and the people I will always love and will always be a part of my life.

So, there it is, our big news. I hope you will all pray for our family as we make this new transition, and prepare yourselves for the biggest, most fun farewell party you've ever seen!

Love,
Emily

Amazing how time flies...

I know, I know, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. Here's the thing- my baby, my little boy, my Munchkin? Became MOBILE. And my life, "spare" time and energy level haven't been the same since. He's been walking for 4 months now, as well as CLIMBING STAIRS. As much as he can, anyway. I promise I'll update more and work on posting more often (as in, more than once every four months!) from now on, but we recently returned from the beach and I snapped a recent picture with my bug that I'd thought I'd share. We vacationed in Hilton Head with my family, the same beach I vacationed in summer 2010, 2 months before Munchkin was born. Enjoy the pics and I'll update more soon. (From the pics you'll see I haven't come close to my "15 before 30" goal- especially as my big 3-0 is this Thursday! Again, a post for another day!)

In order, from top to bottom:Preggers with the Munchkin in 2010, posing with Munchkin last week, age 14 months, and then my gorgeous little Beach Bum Baby vamping for the camera...