The Baby Crap Trap...don't say you haven't been warned...

My older sister warned me. She really, really did. But I was a first-time-mom-to-be, and although I did heed *most* of her advice, I just couldn't help myself.

Baby stuff is so frikkin' cute.

And baby stores are a MAJOR racket. But, after having gone through labor, delivery, and 2 plus years (thus far) of mommy hood, here is a short list of things I registered for that I never used, and the little things that all mommies should have on hand in those first weeks after baby comes.

Should've Skipped:
1. The complete bedding set. Over $100, it was the perfect combo of zoo animals that I wanted and sports that The Wiz required. I never used the fluffy crib bumper (if you don't know- there have been lots of studies and recommendations against using the thick crib bumper.) I bought a Breathable Crib bumper that was mesh so if Munchkin rolled up against it, he would still be able to breathe. Also, it velcroed shut, instead of having those scary looking strings to tie around the crib rails.
(Or around my baby's neck, which was my nightmare. Granted, the strings probably aren't long enough to get around baby's neck, but try to reason with a post-partum, leaky-chested new mother.) I  never used the valance- wrong size for our window. The quilt has never made it into Munchkin's bed, but I did use it as decoration in his room. Okay, it's flung over the rocking chair. That's decor, right?
INSTEAD: I should've concentrated on having several crib sheets (which I later got) and changing pad covers. Those come in a variety of colors and patterns if you're worried about decor. (Which I certainly was.)

2. The Highchair. Yes, baby will eventually need a place to eat once he gets to the solid food stage. Eventually. This could mean anywhere from 5 months to even later if you decide to stick to exclusive breast feeding for a while. If you register for this before baby comes, and someone is kind enough to buy it, most likely it will stay in its box or in a corner of your kitchen for months until baby is ready to use it. I'm a big fan of mommy consignment sales, and I found a great high chair and later a strap-to-the-table booster seat for GREAT prices. This would've left room on my registry for oh, I don't know- DIAPERS, or a great swing, etc. By the way- I say skip the high chair altogether. My strap-to-the-chair booster seat has ROCKED and we've taken it on every vacation we've taken since Munchkin has started eating solid foods.

3. The Diaper Stacker. This perfectly coordinated with my complete bedding set and looked so, so cute in the nursery. Never.used.it. There are still newborn diapers in it from when Munchkin was born. The hard part about being a new mom, or getting ready to be a new mom, is figuring out how to organize this new life that you are about to begin. Once Munchkin arrived, I found it was easier to keep the diapers in a canvas box, on top of a bedside table. The table was within arms reach of the changing pad, as opposed to the diaper stacker which hung off the side of the dresser. Now Munchkin is a major wriggler and the changing pad is on the floor. (We're working on potty training. Tips, anyone??) The diapers are now kept in the bottom drawer of the dresser right next to the changing pad.

4. Wipes warmer.  I didn't register for one of these, mainly because of my hilarious coworker and friend telling me NOT to. She said: "Don't you dare! He needs to get used to disappointment!" She was totally kidding, and it cracked me up. One point I'd like to make is that those first weeks and months of nursing meant lots of night time feeds. It never failed that Munchkin would nurse on one side, then fall asleep. So, I'd change his diaper to wake him up enough to nurse on the other side, and the "cold" wipes would always help rouse him. Plus, really- how "cold" are the wipes you're using? Are you going to keep them in the freezer? Skip it.

5. Teethers, bath toys, infant toys. Okay, so all of this stuff is SO, SO cute. And you WILL need this stuff- eventually. But really, baby won't have teeth for several months, nor will he play with bath toys for several months. Having fun toys hanging from the car seat handle and a mobile over the changing table can be fun for baby, but it's not one of those necessities like diapers, a reliable car seat or sturdy stroller that you will use immediately and often. (As for the mobile- Munchkin was terrified of his, so keep in mind that every baby is different. I also hesitated to put anything over his crib because I just felt it was safer. Nothing can fall off the wall into crib to hurt your baby if there is nothing hanging directly over him. Just sayin'.)

6. Shopping cart cover. Again, I'm going to praise mommy consignment sales and coupons. Baby will most likely stay in his car seat, inside the grocery cart while you shop for several months. The shopping cart cover is great, but not a necessity for the first 3-5 months of life. Checking out stores like TJ Maxx, Marshall's or Ross can also be great places to find shopping cart covers at very reduced prices when you finally need one. I found mine at a local consignment sale for dirt cheap, which is a good thing because after 2 or 3 trips to the store I got tired of wrestling with it. I figured the antibacterial wipes for the grocery cart would kill any germs, and a few toys that could attach to the cart had my boy occupied.

******
Let's pause and talk about strollers and car seats. Please don't buy a car seat second hand, if you can avoid it. Take some non-necessities off your registry and hope that a nice aunt or your mama helps you out if the car seat price is steep for you. Buying a car seat second hand (unless you are buying it or borrowing it from a family member you completely trust) can be very dangerous. Sometimes there is no way to tell if a car seat has been in a car accident and/or has internal damage. Also, car seats expire after a few years, so if you unknowingly buy a second hand seat that is out of date, it may not be as safe as you'd like. Think of how much use you'll get out of a brand new car seat-every time you get in the car, y'all!-and reconsider the second hand car seat.

As for strollers, I've come to terms with the fact that there is no such thing as one perfect stroller. We started out with a snap n' go stroller frame (pretty inexpensive) that our infant car seat just snapped into. We used this for MONTHS- it was so much easier, lighter and less expensive than a large, bulky travel system. There is nothing wrong with the travel system, it just wasn't for me. By the time Munchkin was more mobile/sitting up and we were ready for a new stroller, I'd had time to really research and think about what worked best for us. I ended up investing in a City Mini, which does have its cons (small storage basket underneath, no attached cup holder..) but it has been great for us.
******

Okay, so here are some of the little things that you will find you need in the first few weeks/months baby is home. Not all of these are things that should go on the registry, but are things you can pick up at the drug store or Target before baby comes. I nursed Munchkin and am planning on nursing Baby Girl, so for the sake of disclosure- I know nothing about formula fed babies, their needs or the needs of a mama who is using formula. Sorry- several things on this list are for nursing mamas.

1. Lanolin cream. Lots of it. Slather that stuff on your "girls" as much as possible. Keep a tube in any room in which you might nurse, at the grandparents' house, in your diaper bag, etc. It'll help relieve some of the pain (yes, there will be pain, even if baby has a perfect latch from the beginning. The girls will get used to it and the pain will go away, I promise.) Lansinoh HPA Lanolin cream doesn't need to be wiped off before feeding baby, which just saves time and worry.

2. Boo-boo (or in this case, Boobie) Buddy ice packs- or any other circular shaped/sized ice packs that will fit into your nursing bra/shirt in between feedings. Buy several pair so that you always have a few cold.  Repeat after me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That's how it'll feel to put those puppies on your puppies, if you know what I mean.

3. Nursing tanks/shirts. Bring a few with you to the hospital to make life easier. Live in them the first week/year (your choice) of baby's life. You won't regret it.

4. Nursing pads. These are what you put inside your nursing bra in between nursing sessions and booby ice sessions, or when you venture out in public. There are two main types: disposable and washable. Some mamas find the disposable type to irritate their lady bits and thus preferred the washable. I didn't have that problem, thankfully, because it meant less laundry for me to worry about. But, use whichever is most comfortable for you. The nursing pad is essential in preventing your milk  from leaking (WHEN it leaks, because it will. Trust me.) through your bra to your shirt.

5. A Boppy or other nursing pillow. Crucial.  You think 7 lbs., 8 oz. doesn't sound that heavy? Wait till it's 3 am and you're struggling to stay awake and keep baby propped correctly so he latches right. I have experience with the Boppy and a pillow called My Brest Friend, and my preference is My Brest Friend simply because of its firmness. The Boppy was too lumpy to get Munchkin lined up correctly, but I have tons of friends who swear by the Boppy. The downside to the My Brest Friend is that it is MUCH more difficult to get the cover off for laundering, in cases of major baby spit up or blow outs.

6. Alcohol swabs. I used these to clean Munchkin's belly button/umbilical cord area when I changed his diaper, until the cord stump thingy (that's the medical term) finally fell off. Do not, I repeat DO NOT use this to clean your son's circumcision area. Just sayin'.

7. Diapers and wipes. Duh.

8. Undies.  Go to Target and buy a package of 6- 8 pairs of loose fitting, maybe even an extra size larger cotton panties. Label them "Post-Partum Undies" or something so that you remember to use them in those days after baby comes when you turn into a human Mount Vesuvius. We're talking..."lochia" here, girls. If you don't know what it is- you'll have to google it. I refuse to describe it here. Basically, *down there* will be a hot mess for a while (even if you're curious, no looking, mmkay? You'll go blind.) and having undies that you feel free to throw away if they get stained is important. Also, having a little bit larger size will leave room for those packs of ice that should go *down there* to help ease swelling and pain.

9. Maxi pads. And I do mean Maxi. Super Absorbency. Just do it. Post partum bleeding is Mother Nature's way of saying, "Hellluuuurrrrr! Remember me????"

10. Colace or other stool softener. Start taking it ASAP after baby is born. That first ahem, "movement" can be painful. (Keep in mind I'm not a doctor, so check with yours before you start taking any medication.)


I'm sure I left some things off my list. What about you other mamas? Comment and let me know which items you wish you hadn't registered for, or items that were life savers in those first weeks and months after baby was born. I hope some new mom-to-be out there found this helpful!!

Mommy's (Activity) Arsenal

Mommy guilt wrecks me. Seriously. I think I call my older sister/voice of sanity at least once a week to ask her if that day's mommy guilt that I am feeling is warranted or not. According to her, it never is.  Lately, I've been feeling mommy guilt because in the days before the exhaustion of pregnancy set in, my little Munchkin had it GREAT. I have looked back at photos on my phone, and MAN, I took that little boy to a playground or park pretty much every day, and going outside each afternoon was a GIVEN for him. After nap time, we had a snack and then it was out into the yard for us.

But these last few (sweltering/horridly humid) weeks and months...not so much. Granted, I have found other activities we can do that keep us in the air conditioning: free play at a gymnastics gym, the indoor playground at our local YMCA, play dates with our buddies, the mall play area, etc. But going outside to play in the yard at 4 pm every day has been an extremely rare occurence.

So, I worry and fret, and imagine that my poor active 2 year old is becoming deprived, is becoming a TV zombie, is losing muscle tone and stamina because he's not able to play outside as often as I think he should because mommy is exhausted and already sweaty in our 70 degree house. (Yes, this is how my brain works. This is not even half of what my brain does to make the mommy guilt worse.)

Which leads me to...Pinterest. I have decided that Pinterest can be a blessing and a curse. There are SO MANY amazing ideas to be found, but all of those same ideas make me feel...like the laziest person in the world. Lazy because although I have pinned HUNDREDS of great ideas, I have actually followed through on...NONE of them. Until now.

I decided I was tired of feeling guilty and tired of letting my exhaustion prevent me from providing Munchkin with some interesting hands-on activities. So, after seeing a pin about how a few simple supplies from the Dollar Store can provide several cool projects, Munchkin and I went for it. This wasn't rocket science nor was it particularly original, but I was excited to see what the Munchkin would do with our supplies. Plus, the Dollar Store is definitely in my budget.

So, here's what we bought:

The list includes: dry beans (2 kinds), uncooked rice, three types/sizes of scoops, a red bucket to serve as our sensory bin, a white colander, a divided tray and three colors of marbles to use for a sorting activity, pipe cleaners, stickers, a bag of cool rubber snakes/spiders/bugs for another sensory bin, a package of those pinball type maze games (I'm hoping this will keep him busy and quiet for a few minutes...ha!), some foam shaped sponges and circular sponges that I'm hoping to let him use with washable paints. Again, not rocket science, but I am SO excited that I have a little cabinet of goodies to pull out when we have a lull, or when his toys become boring to him, or on a rainy day.

So far, Mommy's Activity Arsenal has been a hit:

Munchkin LOVED  using the different scoops and cups to pour the dry beans and rice. I also pulled out a tin pie pan later, and I think he liked the noise the beans made when he poured them into the pan.

The beach towels worked for a while to keep the beans contained. Next time, I might use a plastic baby pool or really large cardboard box to let him do this activity in. I learned the hard way that my vacuum doesn't pick up any rice or beans off the floor.

Munchkin LOVES stickers. However, he has a good bit of trouble getting the stickers off the sheet. I was thrilled to find "puffy foil" stickers at the Dollar Store. They are raised off the sheet so that Munchkin had a blast playing with them. He is all about, "I do it!" so not needing Mommy's help was a bonus.

 Of course, the entire sleeve of stickers wound up on Munckin's shirt by the end of his play time, and he wore them like little toddler badges of honor all day.



Am I a super Pinterest Mommy? No, and that's okay. My boy had fun, and I was happy to be able to give him some new experiences. I am realizing that once Baby Girl comes, we won't be able to run around town a whole bunch while Mommy is healing and getting the hang of our new normal. I do plan on getting back to daily outings to the park and lots of playing outside, but in the mean time Mommy's Activity Arsenal will stay stocked.

To my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy on your second birthday,

"I have died everyday waiting for you
 Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more."
-Christina Perri


 Oh my darling Munchkin, growing so big and so fast right before my very eyes! When I hear that song on the radio, even with you sitting right behind me gazing out the window looking for "tucks!" it makes me tear up thinking of how Daddy and I waited, month after month for a year to see that wonderful positive sign on the pregnancy test! And even though you're only two years old today (Happy birthday, love bug!) I truly do feel like I have always known and loved you, for my whole life, you've been a part of me- the best part of me- waiting to come out. And yes, finally, time and our Father in Heaven brought you to us. What lucky, blessed, unworthy people we are to be blessed with your care!


I know when you're a bit older that you will have years of discovering who you are and what you want from this life- those so-called Wonder Years. But for me and for your daddy, these years with you while you're small are our Wonder Years. It is truly an awe-inspiring wonder to witness how you change, grow, and learn every day. Daddy and I laugh in amazement every day about how much you TALK! Sometimes it is your own language, but more often than not it is clear as a bell, full sentences, and sometimes verbatim from what you've heard others say. Some of your favorite things to talk about are trucks, trains, cars, airplanes, helicopters and "moto-bikes." You are so smart and know the names of all kind of different automobiles: fuel trucks, transporters, bull dozers, tractors, dump trucks, and so on. You call them out by name as we see them driving down the road. You LOVE the movie Cars, and often will re-enact the tractor tipping scene with your own Mater and Lightning McQueen cars and a few other match box cars playing the part of the tractors.


 You are forming quite an imagination, and talk to your toys as if they are your friends, which absolutely delights me. You have also started using your blocks to pretend they are other objects- such as an ice cream cone. That's one of your favorite games to play with Mommy- stacking up three blocks and saying, "Mmmm, ice cream! Yummies!" while taking pretend licks and bites off your blocks. A lot of the time when you ask me to play, you really just want me to watch you play, which is fine with me.



You and your Daddy are great, great buddies. Your face absolutely LIGHTS UP when he is home, and when he comes through the door, you greet him with shouts of, "Daddy here! Daddy here! Hi, Daddy!" followed by a great big hug! You two love to wrestle, and Daddy is so, so good about letting you be a big boy, encouraging you to try to work things out before coming to your rescue like I am often too quick to do. Daddy also takes you outside a lot, which you love, and the two of you play with what you call "tubs" but are really your golf clubs. I have to say, your swing is actually impressive, as is your ability to throw and kick a ball.


As far as your personality, you do love playing with friends and have a few favorites. Aiden, Caleb, "Ash-y" or Miss Ashley, "Wobyn" or Miss Robyn and her little girl, "Baby" whose name is actually Landon Lea, "Tee Tee" or Miss Katie and her little girl Bella Grace, and of course, Na Na (Miss Amanda),Na-fan (Mr. Nathan), Bet-it (Becket) Cate (Mary Cate) and Baby Wucy (Lucy)top the list. You are not a big fan of large crowds of kids right now. I found that out the hard way after trying out the splash pad and the mall play place on crowded days. In those larger crowds you hang back, watch the other kids, and try to find your own space away from the majority of the others. You much prefer smaller groups to play in, and when you get together with your buddies your wild, silly, high energy self comes out and you have a blast.


You are growing so, so fast my sweet boy. I struggle daily between running to you immediately after you fall and letting you pick yourself up off the floor. In my head, I know that it's important to let you become more independent, to shake off the bumps and bruises and get back to playing. But in my heart, I know that all too soon the day will come when hugs and kisses from your mama will be the LAST things you'll want, and I want to soak up every chance I get to snuggle, console and enjoy this time with you.


 Before long you will be a big brother, my little man. You will have a baby sister watching you, how you play, how you explore, how you treat her. She will want to do everything you do right along side you and I hope you'll let her. My hope and prayer for you is that you continue to grow into the sweet, smart, caring, funny and generous boy I see in you. I pray that you love and dote on your sister, that even though she WILL bug you, take your toys, and crowd you and your friends, that you will allow her to be your friend. My greatest hope for you and your sister is that you become the kind of friends and siblings, bonded by shared memories of your crazy parents, that will take care of each other after Daddy and Mommy are gone. I am so, so proud to be your Mommy, and I want you to know that I am working each day to be worthy of you! Happy Birthday, my sweet wonderful Munchkin.


"Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better"
 -John Lennon

In the last six months...

Yes, it has been SIX months since I've blogged. So, to keep it brief while updating this blog about our family's latest news, I'm just going to go with list form here. Then maybe I'll get back to blogging on a more regular basis, say, every two months. :) 1. The Wiz is still working at his company's home office in Chicago. The Munchkin and I are still.living.in.SC. We have had ZERO luck selling our home on our own. This means The Wiz has been flying (on his company's tab, thank GOODNESS!) home just about every weekend and commuting back to Chicago on Sunday nights or Monday mornings to spend a week working and living out of his suitcase. NOT the easiest time in our marriage. But, I will say that it has helped us really strive to make the most of our time together as a family and a couple, it has forced us to improve our communication, and it has helped me realize just how INCREDIBLE my family is. I don't know what I'd do many afternoons if my mom and dad weren't willing to come by after work or cook us dinner at their house. 'Cause sometimes, y'all? Mama needs a BREAK. I don't have a clue how single parents DO IT. 2. The upside is this- The Wiz's company has graciously struck a deal to give us a full relocation package. This means that we are currently working with one of their realtors to get our house listed, and making appointments for appraisers to come out to the house to get this house SOLD. If it doesn't sell within 90 days of being on the market, his company will buy our house from us. AND THEN WE CAN ALL BE TOGETHER AGAIN AS A FAMILY!!!!WOOOOOHOOOOO!!! Of course, this means we'll be living in Illinois, 600 miles from our family, friends and the only home I've really known for the past 20 plus years, but I can't think of all that right now. 3. Despite all of The Wiz's traveling, he still managed to get me knocked up. That's right, I'm currently about 26 weeks pregnant with a sweet baby due in November!! Haha!!! The belly is steadily growing, and Munchkin looooves to hug and kiss it, "his baby". On a daily basis I shake my head in disbelief that I'm going to have two- TWO little ones by Christmas. WHA?? I am feeling like the luckiest, most blessed, most ill-prepared girl in the world! Ha! I'm trying to prep my routine-loving self to be ready for the reality that for a while after this baby comes, there will be no routine, and we'll be finding our new normal. 4. Did I mention- baby is a GIRL. That's a whole different post, but I will say that I'm soooo excited! 5. This pregnancy has been extremely hard on my body, specifically my heart, as compared to my first. Long story short, I have a congenital heart defect and at about 16 weeks along I found myself in what's called Atrial Flutter- basically my heart was racing and I couldn't catch my breath. This went on pretty much an entire day before I called my cardiologist. In the end, I was rushed to a hospital 2 hours away, prepped, and in the end they had to use the defibrilator machine to jump my heart out of the fast rhythm to a normal rhythm. The most terrifying part was worrying about my baby, especially when they couldn't find her heartbeat when two different people tried with the doppler after my procedure. Thank the LORD that the third person, a doctor using the ultrasound machine, found that baby girl was alive and well. 6. Since then I've been trying to take it easy, taking my heart meds, avoiding caffeine and depending a lot on my family to help with the Munchkin. I've had to get creative to find ways to get him exercise and get him play time as much as possible, while avoiding the ridiculous southern heat that leaves me breathless and exhausted. But we're getting there- 26 weeks and counting. 7. Lastly, amidst all of the exciting going-to-be moving news, and going-to-have-a-baby news, my cardiologist has strongly recommended that I have the baby at the hospital where I was treated for my heart condition earlier in the pregnancy. Which means no moving before the baby comes. Which means if our house sells before the 90 days are up (the 90 days haven't started yet, as we have some things to finalize before putting the house on the market) then we'll probably move in with my parents until the baby comes. This means my nesting/need to organize/need to plan to prepare for this baby has kind of been blown to bits. In the most basic sense, I have no idea exactly where I'll be living when this baby comes, or when we'll find a place to live in Chicago, when we'll move all of our stuff and our family, and how I'll manage a two year old, a newborn, unpacking a house, and living in a brand new city and state all at the same time. For now, it's going to have to be one day at a time, with my eyes pointed upwards towards Him who holds our future in His hands.

18 months!!

Ohh, my baby is getting to be a big boy more and more each day. I can't believe he is half way through his SECOND year of life!! Our Munchkin is such a joy to us always, although he is entering into the "Trying Two's" stage it seems. Here are a few things that Munckin is doing, saying, and enjoying these days....
-The Munchkin is talk, talk, talking. At last count, he has over 50 words, including "buebewwies" (blueberries), milk, truck, bath, dog, "Amy" (his mother's morning out teacher) and "Sydney" (our dog's name) and "Pop" or "Papa" for my dad.
-He loves his bath time, absolutely HATES having his diaper changed or clothes changed. It is a battle every.single.time to do either one of those despised activities.
-He loves all types of play from coloring, tinkering with his workshop, pulling his doggy or xylophone around the house, digging in his kitchen drawer or enjoying his "poor man's trampoline"- pillows on the floor.
-Jumping up and down and falling on his bottom is one of the Munchkin's favorite things, and he laughs hysterically at himself when he does it.
-The Munchkin has a great sense of humor and especially loves funny noises and faces. He loves making the noises and faces, and he loves it when other people make them.
-He is a ridiculous FLIRT! Old ladies in line at Target, little girls in the cry room at church- it doesn't matter. My boy will bat his insanely long eyelashes at the chosen lady and *snap* they are under his spell. I'm in trouble!
-Being still- not so much for this kiddo. He is what they call "all boy" and rough housing is his game. I have to be very careful if I try to lay on the floor bc before I can blink he will climb on top of me and bouncing as if my belly is a trampoline.
-He loves animals and constantly repeats their names and the sounds they make whenever he sees one. Any time we see a dog- "Dawwwwg" (yes, he says it with a southern drawl!)Although "birds" is said as if he's from Jersey- "boids". His favorite lately seems to be "mooooo!" because last month's craft at Mother's Morning Out included coloring a Cow for the "God Made the Animals" theme. His cow is hanging up on our bulletin board and every time he passes it--"Mooooo!!!!"
-Munchkin is also a dancin' fool! It's a very Elaine Bennis from Seinfeld move-mostly head shaking, foot stomping, but it's precious! One of his favorite songs is the theme song from Thomas the Train show.
-Speaking of trains, Munchkin is obsessed! We have train tracks a few miles from our house and we can hear the trains blowing their whistles. As soon as the first whistle sounds, Munchkin is frantically signing "train" and saying "Choo-chooooo! Choo-chooooo!"
-Munchkin also seems to have a bit of Mama's temper and Daddy's stubbornness. He is prone to frustration (which I've read is typical of this age) and whining and crying is his immediate reaction when he can't figure something out easily. He will also act out by hitting and or biting (especially Mommy) if he's angry. I've been trying to follow my pediatrician's advice by trying Time Out in cases of hitting, and ignoring other temper tantrums. We also are being very purposeful about being consistent, and doing what we say we're going to do.
-Overall, I'd have to say Munchkin's favorite play mate is DADDY. They have such fun together, throwing the ball around (Munchkin has an amazing arm in my biased opinion!)practicing with golf clubs, watching Poppey hit balls at the club, or just rough housing. Munchkin love, love, loves his daddy.
-Book are also a favorite still for Munchkin. The library is a weekly stop for us, and Munchkin really enjoys books about trucks, animals (dogs especially), rhyming books, books with sports or balls, and trains. I try to get a range of topics, and expand his interests to things that aren't totally boy-ish, but his interests seem to remain the same.
-Munchkin, sadly, also learned the word "mine." I'm convinced he learned it at Mother's Morning out because The Wiz and I have tried very hard to say things like, "This is Daddy's. That is Mommy's," instead of using the dreaded word "mine." (NOT that I'm blaming MMO or upset with them- it's a natural thing for kids this age to use the word "mine." I absolutely LOVE our MMO and Munchkin's teachers!) He even clutches the object (whatever it is he doesn't want to share) tightly to his chest and gives the stink eye when he's shouting "mine." Sigh.

We are truly having so much fun with our little man, and each day serves as a learning experience for all three of us. Now it is so much more than just simply caring and protecting this beautiful child. Now is when the parenting really kicks in, and you have to make sure you know what you believe, how you want your child to act, and how you're going to get him to act, and what you're going to do if he doesn't behave like you want him to. You have to be firm but not lose your schmidt after he smacks you in the eye because it's time to leave the playground and he doesn't want to. Now, too, the terror sets in because he is really truly mobile, so so fast, and has a stuborn will of his own. The idea that he could take off in a parking lot or store haunts me, thus he spends a lot of time in his stroller or store carts. I'm just not ready to let him roam nor do I feel like he'd hold my hand for more than 30 seconds in a store. We're living, learning, and loving in our own little Oz! Thanks for reading!

And then you realize....

That you have PMS. Because after posting a full-on-woe-is-me-my-life-is-so-hard blog rant....you get your period.

That your life is SO.EASY. Because you spend time with a friend whose child is struggling with physical and emotional issues. A child whose physical ailments keep her awake for hours at night, meaning my friend and her husband sometimes only get 3 hours of sleep. A night. For days on end.


That you are blessed. Because you have the privilege of loading your child into a very safe, reliable vehicle, packed with a warm coat and lots of snacks for an outing to the zoo. Because you get to spend a Tuesday morning watching the wonder in your child's eyes as penguins slice past us through the water.


That God's mercy and grace are the only things that matter. Because after reflecting on these last two facts, and comparing those facts to my behavior, selfish and self-centered attitude, I remember that He still loves me. He is going to love me through every moment, every bad decision, every time I approach him on my knees in regret, every time I rejoice over my child, every moment my selfishness overtakes me, through it all. I neither deserve nor appreciate His mercy and grace enough, because of the simple fact that I am human. But I will fight to be more like Him, to seek Him, to love my son, my husband, family and friends as he loves- through every one of their weak moments, through every one of the disappointing moments, through every one of their triumphs. God, help me to love like you do!

Confessions of an Angry Housewife

Before I begin, let me just say that I know, in my heart and in my head, how lucky I am. I have a beautiful, healthy, amazing son, and a wonderful husband who loves me. I have a roof over my head that brings me shelter, comfort and provides a place for my family to grow and bond. I have great friends, and the best family a person could ask for. I get it. I know this, and I am eternally grateful.

But.


But somedays, sometimes, a girl just gets sick and tired of some things. Sometimes a girl takes a look at her life, at the way she spends her time, at the first things to enter her mind each morning (Tuesday. Floor Day. Must make sure I move all the chairs off the hardwoods. Pack Munchkin's snack for preschool. Return faulty baby gate to store.) before her feet even hit the floor, and sometimes that girl just can't.take.another.second.

When I dreamed of staying at home with my children, I didn't dream of feeling like the maid. I didn't dream of sweating by 9 am every morning, attempting to get myself, my little person, and all of our collective crap out the door. I didn't dream of feeling as if my home OWNED me, owned my time, owned the majority of my thought life. I didn't dream of the resentment I'd feel at going to the bathroom while keeping my wriggly, tantrum throwing son away from the toilet brush. I certainly didn't dream of the guilt that would flood through me every single time I spoke too sharply, or felt relief when dropping the Munckin off at preschool. (Two and a half hours all to myself!!! Oh. Hell. It's Floor Day. #$&#($($#&!!!)

I had no idea what I was asking for when I decided to stay at home. And those of you out there reading this, who've never stayed home with your children, and are scoffing at my resentments- this blog entry is not for you. I don't know what your life is like, and you don't know mine. It's my blog and I'll write what I want to. :)) I can't count how many times I've wondered, as I'm scrubbing the floor, folding another load of laundry, picking up yet.another.pea. off the floor or getting kicked in the boobs AGAIN while trying to change the poopy diaper of a screaming toddler, WHAT IS THE POINT??????

Did I work all my life- for THIS? My parents raised both my sister and I to believe that college was neither- 1)optional nor 2) a place for us to solely search out our "MRS. degree." Of course, family and having kids has always been a goal of mine, a dream of mine. I couldn't wait to be able to stay home with my kids, and avoid the unbelievable stress of having to work outside the home and raise kids and take care of a home. Until that happened, I was going to teach. And teach I did. I chose teaching bc I was good at it, and bc I couldn't imagine getting up each morning and going to a job that I didn't feel had worth or value. Making money was (obviously) not my first priority. I wanted to do something important. Something that made the world a better place.

But now, my second year away from the classroom, I just don't know what my purpose is any more. I know the time I spend with the Wiz- reading, playing, teaching, talking, singing, disciplining, laughing, and yes, changing diapers/bathing/feeding/nurturing- all of those things have purpose and value. I realize that being a mother (whether it's stay at home or not) is a MOSTLY thankless job. (Hello, I was a teacher for 6 years. That's probably one of the top 5 other most thankless jobs out there, right behind mother and trash collector. I'm used to it.) But with teaching I felt that just about everything I did had a purpose. Even the small, annoying, tedious things had value, contributed to the bigger picture of educating these kids. Standing in front of a copy machine, enduring finger cramps from cutting out countless bears/bunnies/gingerbread men out of construction paper, and yes even the most POINTLESS of " district staff development" meetings. I always seemed to endure those much more willingly than I am able to endure the same level of tedium as a homemaker.

You know that old adage about the needle and the haystack? I feel as if the needle in my haystack is my Purpose, or my Value. The haystack- each tiny, itchy piece of hay- are the tedious, humbling, boring tasks that I am stuck with. They are weighing down on my purpose, suffocating it.

Big News! (It's NOT what you think!)

** Disclaimer- as this is a public blog, I don't use formal names but instead refer to hubby as The Wiz and to our little guy as The Munchkin. For all of you friends and family reading this blog for the first time, just wanted you to know.)**


No, we're not currently pregnant. (Silly friends! That's a simple FB status post.
This news is going to require a little more info and detail than that, although it would be a wonderful, welcome blessing to have that news again!)

My dear, wonderful, sweet hubby, who works so hard and who always has the big picture in mind, who works for our well-being and for our future, has received a (well-deserved) job promotion. It is truly a wonderful thing, and I am so excited for him. He will be working in a managerial level for his large, international company, doing national training for patient services. He has been really wanting to get into a leadership role (as I'll attest this is one of his strong suits-leading) and this is just such an opportunity.

This opportunity is also located in Chicago, Illinois, where the home office of his company is located. Which means, dear friends and family (drum roll!)...... after 21 years of living in South Carolina, this lil' southern transplant is MOVING.

Now I've had my share of moves throughout my life. We moved from Rhode Island to SC when I was 9 for my dad's job. I spent one ill-advised semester at a rather, ahem, "rural" in-state university until I realized I missed the 'big city' of Columbia and game home to blessed Univ. of S. Carolina, where I earned my bachelor's and master's degrees.

Through college (and after!) I moved lots of times- out of dorm rooms, into different apartments, back home for grad school, back to apartments with roommates, without a roommate, back to a roommate, then finally into our current home when the Wiz and I got married.

I know this entire state (it seems) like the back of my hand. I know the short cuts, the rough parts of town, the bad traffic spots to avoid, and approximately how long it will take to get pretty much anywhere within my beautiful state of South Carolina. I have memories and experiences associated with almost every local neighborhood, shopping center, and area of my suburb.

If you put a map of Columbia, SC and its outlying parts in front of me, I could turn it into a map of my childhood, adolesence and adulthood. It would be scratched through with first date spots, prom dinners, first (and second, and third) speeding tickets, first place I bought a car, first place I was kissed, childhood homes where I spent hours upon hours laughing with girlfriends, talking on the phone, studying for tests and putting together papers for school. I could circle all of the schools I subbed in, was an intern and student teacher, and taught as a professional teacher.
I would draw hearts around those places that hold memories of my courtship with the Wiz, all of those places that hold meaning for us. From the college football stadium, the quiet, romantic restaurant where we ate our first meal, the creaking wooden swing by the ocean where The Wiz proposed, the old mill where we took engagement photos, the sweet, cozy eatery where we hosted friends and family for our rehearsal dinner, the beautiful church where we promised to forsake all others and love only each other. I would draw a star, giant and golden, where our breathtakingly adorable and sweet son was born.

This place, all of these moments- this is the fabric that has stitched together the last 21 years of my life.

But now, with lots of prayer, with home, with pride about my husband's accomplishment, it's time to add another square to the quilt that makes up our life together. Illinois is beckoning.

I would be lying if I said I was ready, but I am honestly willing. I will spend the next few months, as The Wiz commutes from Chicago to SC on the weekends until our house sells or until his company buys it, is fervent prayer. I am going to miss my South Carolina life with a vengeance. I am incredibly close with my family, always have been, and I'm not sure what life looks like without them as a weekly part of it. My prayers will focus on asking God for his peace, trying to increase my trust in his plan for our family, and asking that he keep us on his path by putting us in the right neighborhood, putting the right people in our path, and so on.

We are figuring that the Munchkin and I probably won't make the move until March or April, as his company usually asks that we try to sell our house for 90 days before they will buy it. So until then, I plan to soak up my friends, my family, this beautiful, mild weather, (insert laugh track) and researching my future city. I aim to look at this new step as an adventure. A new place means layer upon layer of discoveries to be made. It means I am getting a fresh, new, unmarked map upon which to make memories. I aim to walk towards this door with excitement and hope for what our new life can be, while keeping a firm hold on who I am, from where I came, and the people I will always love and will always be a part of my life.

So, there it is, our big news. I hope you will all pray for our family as we make this new transition, and prepare yourselves for the biggest, most fun farewell party you've ever seen!

Love,
Emily

Amazing how time flies...

I know, I know, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. Here's the thing- my baby, my little boy, my Munchkin? Became MOBILE. And my life, "spare" time and energy level haven't been the same since. He's been walking for 4 months now, as well as CLIMBING STAIRS. As much as he can, anyway. I promise I'll update more and work on posting more often (as in, more than once every four months!) from now on, but we recently returned from the beach and I snapped a recent picture with my bug that I'd thought I'd share. We vacationed in Hilton Head with my family, the same beach I vacationed in summer 2010, 2 months before Munchkin was born. Enjoy the pics and I'll update more soon. (From the pics you'll see I haven't come close to my "15 before 30" goal- especially as my big 3-0 is this Thursday! Again, a post for another day!)

In order, from top to bottom:Preggers with the Munchkin in 2010, posing with Munchkin last week, age 14 months, and then my gorgeous little Beach Bum Baby vamping for the camera...

15 before 30, Part 2!

I DID IT! I actually COMPLETED the first level of Jillian Michaels' 30 day Shred! I can't believe it!

Background- about 5 months ago, I first bought the DVD, determined that since Jillian Michaels is an evil genius, the workouts were only 20 minutes, and since I needed to get busy on getting back into shape, this DVD would be a perfect fit for me.

Wrong, wronger, wrongest.

Each level is 20 minutes, with 3 6-minute circuits, a warm up and cool down. I didn't make it past the first 6 minute circuit back then. And, I was so sore the next day I could barely walk.

I haven't touched the DVD since then, but have been spending time (on and off) walking our neighborhood with the Munchkin in the stroller, trying to build up my strength and endurance after basically being on bed rest (self-imposed, thank you heart condition.) the last 2 months of my pregnancy.

Yesterday I decided that I was bored with the neighborhood walks, and that I would try the 30Day Shred DVD again. I just figured I'd get through whatever I could, and that would be okay. I was determined that whatever my best was, would be good enough, and I plan to keep it up until I can conquer the whole workout.

Well, LAWD Ah-Mercy! I guess those walks helped me get my body back a little bit more than I realized- because I made it through the entire 20 minute workout! This may not seem like much if you're not familiar with Jillian's workouts, but yes, it was a doozy and I'm feeling SO good mentally today for completing it.

Yes, my body is sore today, but after what I accomplished yesterday, I realized that I CAN do this, and I CAN get stronger and stronger with each work out. My body may be sore, but my mind is sharp, but drive even stronger. I can only guess that each time I do the workout, it will be harder at first (thanks to sore muscles) but will eventually get easier so I can move on to the harder levels of 2 and 3.

Another light bulb also went off for me yesterday. I planned on trying the workout during Munchkin's morning nap, figuring that 20 minutes could definitely be spared to help me work towards my goal of a healthier body. But leading up to his nap time, my mind couldn't help starting to notice all of the unfinished household tasks that I needed to tend to. Laundry needed to be moved around and folded. There were dishes in the sink, and as always, the kitchen floor was in desperate need for some sweeping. I could feel the to-do list weighing on me and guilt starting to creep in. Then, suddenly, I got pissed. What's more important, truly, important- folding the laundry right away or tending to my own personal health?

That's when I realized- as a mom, indeed I'd argue as a woman, we are trained/taught/brought up/pressured to put ourselves after so many other things- our families, our husbands, our jobs, our clients, our household tasks, the family pets, and so on. My needs and wants are by no means more important than those of my family and husband, but dang it, doesn't my body and health come before dirty dishes?! The answer, I realized, is YES.

Feeling good and ready for the next work out. Bring it, Jillian.

Linking up with Shell this week for PYHO!

PYHO: 15 before 30

Time for some truth, people.
1. I have always been known, in my family, as the one (out of three children) who struggles the most with her weight.
2. I have always been known, in my family, as the "good eater," the "sugar addict," and so on.
3. I had a baby 10 months ago. When I got pregnant, I weighed 144 pounds. (I'm 5'3"). I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which turned out to be a blessing, because I only gained 19 pounds by following the mandatory diet.
4. I now weigh 143.5 pounds, and although I know it's *great* (barf) that I'm back to my pre-preggo weight, I am very, very, self-concious about my body.
5. Every time I look in the mirror, I notice my double chin, how my belly sticks out as if I'm still 3 months pregnant, how my arms flap in the wind, how much junk seems to be in my trunk.
6. Every time I eat with others- my family and my friends, I wonder if they are judging me for what I eat and how much I eat, because I am unhappy with the way I look.
7. I really used to like going to the gym after work, beating out stress on the treadmill or elliptical.
8. I am really, really, struggling with finding the time and motivation to exercise.
9. I really, really, want to lose (at least) 15 pounds. I want to feel good in my body, to be proud, physically strong, and confident in my body.
10. My mind is so full of negative self-talk, that I really truly doubt that I can physically accomplish what my mind and heart want to accomplish-strength, muscle, leanness, health.

I turn 30 on October 6th. When that day comes, I know I can look at my life and feel so blessed- I have had an incredible adventure as a teacher (which I hope to continue after our child(ren) get older, I have an amazing, faithful, perfect-for-me husband, a sweet, precious little boy and more loving family and friends than a girl could ask for. But on that day, I also want to reflect on my self, and feel proud. Part of that pride is going to come from losing these 15 pounds, by becoming strong and healthier. I'm praying by putting this into writing, it will help my resolve.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I will do this.

(Old) Preggo picture! Linking up with Shell!

One of the BEST things about having a due date in the middle of August was the fact that I had NO problem hanging out in a bathing suit. I was supposed to have a big belly! Maternity bathing suit + 30 weeks pregnant = care free mama-to-be!

My newest addicition..CVSing!!

I've embarked upon this couponing journey to save as much money as I can for our family. It is a learning process, but I am enjoying learning new tips, finding new coupon sites, and planning for shopping trips. I am by no means an "Extreme Couponer" nor do I wish to be. I see the logic in buying three or four bottles of shampoo if it's on sale and I have a coupon, however, I don't see myself buying 40 bottles of mustard or clearing the shelves of packaged noodles to stick in every nook and cranny in my house.

The latest leg of my journey took place at CVS. I'm trying to learn how to maximize sales, coupons and their "Extra Care Bucks" reward system in order to save big on health and beauty supplies. Basically, I went through the most recent CVS ad, matching their sales to coupons I had and items I needed. ECB are a form of CVS "currency" which print out after a transaction. For example, there might be a sale like "Buy 2 deodorants and get $3 in ECB back." Then you can turn around and use those ECB as currency on your next transation. It does require multiple transactions at the register, which made me a bit flustered. In all, I had NINE transactions. It was a little embarrasing, but the check out lady was very kind. The next time I do this, I'll probably go in the evening after Munchkin is asleep and The Wiz is at home so I can avoid feeling like I'm holding up a line of people behind me.

Here are my best deals this week, using coupons, sales and ECB:
1 Revlon Nail Polish- I paid $1.06, saving $4.50
3 jars spaghetti sauce, 3 jars of pb- I paid $10, saving $9.98
2 boxes Thermacare Heat wraps- I paid $1.69, saving $12.40
2 bottles Listerine- I paid $1.90, saving $8.80
6 bottles Suave Shampoo - I paid $8.56, saving $5.32 (I didn't have any coupons, but spending this much allowed me to get ECB to save on another item.)
2 boxes Arm and Hammer dryer sheets- I paid $2.77, saving $6.59
4 sticks Suave deodorant- I paid .54 cents, saving $4.98


I bought a few other things, but I didn't save as well on those items. It's a learning process for me, but I am really enjoying it. It's almost like a game to play, that in the end saves my family money.

Any tips for me to increase my CVS savings?? Help a girl out!

Inadequate Mommy

The last few days have been a little more rough than we're used to around here. Munchkin is a pretty mellow dude, smiley, content to play independently for long enough for me to load the dishwasher, switch laundry around or just sit down for 10 minutes. I've been spoiled by his sweet disposition, so much so that this week, when he was diagnosed with pink eye and his first ear infection, on top of a second tooth coming in, I have almost lost my mind several times. In addition, I've also been sick, mostly a cough, sore throat and exhaustion from coughing all night. His increased fussiness, clinginess, screaming, crying, have been quite the trial for me. (The Wiz is out of town, too!)

Today I just about lost my shiz over the stupidest thing. With Munchkin's new mobility, going to the bathroom is even more eventful. So, I thought I'd put the pack and play together so I could stick him in that and pee in peace. The pack and play is not my friend. Suffice it to say, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, cursing, and so on. It was one of those every-part-but-one-is-working-and-I-can't-fix-this-one-part-the-baby-is-crying-trying-to-climb-up-my-leg-I-just-need-to-pee-ohmygooooooooooooooooooooooooooosssssssssssssssssssh!!!!!!!!!!!!

At one point I looked up to the heavens and cried out, "I can't do this!! I just can't do it! I wasn't meant to do this!!!" I felt so overwhelmed and ill-equipped to deal with this poor sick baby while not feeling well myself, then I felt immediately silly and guilty because the reality is- I felt like a wimp. Yes, my husband is out of town. Yes, my baby is fussy, and I don't feel good either. But it can always be worse, and I do have help- my parents are incredible. And I only have ONE baby. How many mothers are there out there with more babies, with more problems, less help, more stress, who COMPLAIN and STRESS OUT less than me?? The fact that I am so selfish and so wimpy makes me question whether I'm truly cut out for this stay at home stuff. I hate cleaning the house, and can always find something else to do during Munchkin's nap than mop the floors or dust. My temper is so short some times, and I worry that Munchkin will turn into some bad tempered maniac because he's seen me freak out on several occasions.

I love my son more than words can describe, and I can't imagine nor do I want to hand him over to someone else to take care of him every day. I can't imagine not being there for his smiles all day, to tickle his belly and make him laugh. I want to be the one he snuggles up against before his naps, to be the one that gets to greet him first when he's all sleepy and smiley after he's woken up from his nap. I just feel so inadequate. He deserves so much. He deserves the best- the best person to teach him, to train him up in the way he should go. He deserves someone who is unendingly patient and compassionate for all of his needs. I don't have the ability to be perfect, kinda perfect, near perfect, nothing. How can I train him in the way he should go when I feel so far off the godly path myself?

I feel so small, so incomplete- like I have a few parts of the good mommy recipe, but that I'm missing some very important, very essential, ingredients and I don't have the currency or smarts to attain those missing pieces.

Lord, help this inadequate mommy overcome the worst parts of herself to be the mommy the Munchkin deserves.

PYHO-I Effin' HATE Cancer.

Today I'm linking up with Shell over at Things I Can't Say to Pour My Heart Out.


Some of you may have read an earlier PYHO I wrote a few weeks ago, about a pain I had in my underarm and the emotional journey I undertook to find out if it was cancerous or not. If you missed it, you can find it here.

Luckily, blessedly for me, my journey had a happy ending, and was not cancer.

Recently a friend of mine had a similar situation- pain in her underarm- and it has not turned out quite as happy for her. Yet.

My dear, dear friend A has breast cancer. When she first told me the news, it felt like all of the air was sucked out of my lungs, sucked out of the entire room I was sitting in.

Lots of people think they are friends with the sweetest person, the person who'd do anything for you, who makes you feel as if you are the most special person in the world. But unless they are friends with A, they don't know what the sweetest person in the world is truly like.

The words I would use to describe A would be: gentle, kind, soft hearted, hilarious, generous, creative (truly creative- when I switched from teaching 5th to 3rd grade, she took my former 5th grade teaching job- and has out-taught, out-planned, and out-created me at every turn. I don't say that in a bitter way- because I realize and accept I'm not even close to being in her league as a teacher. The proof in that pudding? The woman was Reading Teacher of the Year AND Teacher of the Year at our school- in.the.same.year. She rules, and her fifth graders are pretty much obsessed with her. 'Nuff said.)

One of the ways that A and I have grown close is in our respective journeys to conceive babies. A's journey started before mine, but there were many chats, emails, coffee talks, and tears shed together as we tried to achieve our dreams of having babies. I still remember the day she told me she was pregnant- how as soon as she told me, she asked me if I was okay, with love and sincerity in her eyes. She was genuinely worried about telling me because she didn't want me to be discouraged that I wasn't yet pregnant. The woman is pure love.

As it turned out, her amazing twin girls are just 3 months older than the Munchkin, and we have been blessed to experience pregnancy, child birth, and the raising of little ones together. A absolutely adores her girls, as evidenced by her family blog and her FB posts about the adventures and joys of raising them. We all know mommies have rough spots with their little ones- every day, in every situation. Never once have I seen or heard her complain about a rough day with her girls. Not.once. (I myself am guilty of unloading stress on FB about Munchkin's napping habits, fussiness, etc.) And no, she's not one of those Super Mommy Wannabe's, whose sole purpose is to make everyone think she has it all together and that togetherness makes all other struggling feel bad about themselves. My BS radar is honed by years of teaching pubescent children, and A is the real deal. She has rough days like all mommies, but the way I see it, complaining, especially about two gifts for which she is so grateful, just isn't her thing.

And now, I'm pissed. A may not be a complainer, but I'm a world class bitcher. If she won't do it, I'll do it for her. Cancer sucks big ol' hairy monkey balls. Sorry for the imagery, but it's true. Her prognosis and her attitude are positive and promising. But there will still be chemo. There will still be nausea, exhaustion, hospital visits, vomiting, and worry. After all she's been through, working to become a mommy, kicking butt as an outstanding teacher, achieving a dream of starting her own photography business, and finding her groove with all the roles she plays- this happens. Whatever happened to a woman getting a break?! All of those side effects of this situation translate into one thing: that it'll be time spent away from doing the things she loves most, that she does best. I'm pissed off that she is having to endure the nausea and exhaustion that will make it hard for her to play with her girls, or to take her amazing photos. I'm irate that this gift of a human being will spend one second of her life worrying about her health and her future. I've mentally throat punched this cancer, followed by a round house kick, then Bruce Lee'd its ass all over the place for her.

A has the exact right attitude- grateful that she caught it early, with a self-examination, grateful for the wonderful care she is getting and for her support system, determined to remain positive and focused on all of her blessings, refusing to give into worry or fear. I have no doubt that she will come out the other side of this battle triumphant. I hope that as things progress, she will take up my offer to help out in any way that I can. Until then, my mental throat punching of this cancer will continue, taking form as prayer, encouragement, and support for A. If you'd like to follow her journey, and read some AMAZING writing, you can find her blog here.

My Munchkin, (almost) 8 Months...

I can't believe the Munchkin will be 8 months old next week. It seems that Father Time boarded a supersonic jet- because he really does fly by! I can honestly say I can't go a full week without getting teary because Munchkin is doing something new, growing out of smaller baby clothes, trying to crawl, trying to STAND UP (!!!!), using his little pincher fingers to feed himself, and I am shocked to tears at how much he's grown. I love this age, but I do miss being able to snuggle with my little baby. Most of the time, Munchkin is more interested in wiggling out of my arms than in letting me hold him. It almost has given me baby fever again-except when I realize that I'm just now starting to get some decent sleep. Maybe I'll give my body and my Munchkin a little more time before we make him a big brother!

PYHO: Sisterly love

My sister-older than me by 4 years- and I, are survivors. We have survived the tumultuous stages of sisterhood and life that threatened to break us apart forever. Sounds melodramatic? Maybe, but it's true. Four years doesn't sound like much, except for when you break down the age differences like this:

Erin at 11: puberty, middle school, braces, pimples, figuring out boys, training bras, body image.
Me, then at 7: roller skates, Barbies, chapter books, playing pretend and figuring out multiplication tables.


Erin at 15: high school, a hierarchy of mean girls, figuring out boys, hormones, the rag, car envy, school pressure, pimples, body image.

Me, then at 11: See above list.


Erin at 18: college stress, school pressures, hormones, saying good bye to high school friends, figuring out boys, dealing with a little sister attending the same high school as her and praying I didn't embarrass her, body image.

Me, then at 14: See above list for Erin at 15, and add on: trying to become friends with her big sister, the sadness of losing her big sister to college, trying to figure out not just boys, but older boys in high school, and living up to the legacy my big sister had left in terms of academics.


Our relationship has run the gauntlet. Our path to becoming the besties that were are now was rife with fights. We would beat each other up, face slapping, chair throwing, hair pulling, punching over a variety of triggers. I constantly borrowed her things without asking. I pestered her, wanting time and attention from her. I made fun of her looks,(mostly because she was the slim one with fine, manageable hair while I was the "curvy" one who had hips, boobs, and a belly by the time I hit fifth grade. We won't even detail my lifelong battle with the red, curly/wavy/frizzy hair my father bequethed me. Thanks a heap, Dad.) I used my sense of humor to make her the butt of my jokes, and she used her brilliant mind and razor sharp tongue to slice my self esteem to bits. We knew each other's weaknesses and insecurities and used them against each other.

Then I hit eighth grade, and Erin was then in high school. The world we lived in tumbled down around us: our younger brother was sick, needing a heart transplant at the age of nine. This required our parents to take him to Boston Children's hospital, where the three of them stayed for three months while various family members stayed with Erin and I in South Carolina. Those months didn't automatically change our relationship, but it did begin to shift, to something less bitter, something less adversarial. The revolving door of family members (as blessed as we were to have them there to take care of us) united us. We were partners, and I can't speak for her, but I clung to the fact that at least the two of us were together, even if the rest of our family was torn apart by geography and circumstances.

I started trying to use my sense of humor to make her laugh, instead of make her cry. Out of all of my best friends, cousins, aunts, uncles and neighbors who all had sympathy for the fear we were facing over our brother's health, only Erin truly understood, because she was in it with me. Each day that passed by, waiting for news, missing our parents, worrying about our brother, she was in it with me. Wishing for a new heart for our brother meant that someone else's child had to die. What a confusing time for two adolescent girls, wishing for our brother's recovery, yet knowing what it would mean for another family. Feeling guilty if you laughed at a friend's joke, or went to the mall, because our brother was in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors, his body barely able to keep functioning. I don't remember Erin and I talking much about the situation, expressing our feelings outright to each other then; that wasn't really our family's style at the time. What I do remember is drawing comfort from my older sister, seeing the worry etched on her face, in the posture of her shoulders, and feeling more connected to her because of it.

Our family emerged from that health crisis with scarred hearts and spirits, but thankful and triumphant. My brother's scars are visible- one long, red scar where his chest was cracked open and a new heart was placed. I think Erin and I also had "heart" transplants of our own. Our scars were invisible, but we were forced us to crack open our minds and bodies, taking out the old, malfunctioning, ugly hearts and mindsets we had towards each other, and replace them with a sisterly love and appreciation that continues to grow.

Today is my sister's birthday. I am Pouring My Heart Out in honor of her. I am so grateful to have her as my best friend. Since that difficult time in our family's life, we have spent countless hours on the phone, talking, laughing, crying. Erin knows me inside and out, and loves me anyway. She lets me be myself, neurotic, joke telling, foul mouthed, Super Mommy and Super Catholic wannabe, without fear of reproach or judgment. She keeps me sane, keeps me accountable, keeps my feet on the ground while my anxiety meter skyrockets upward. We have grown into adults, into women, into wives and mothers, celebrating the various seasons of life together. I love my sister more than words can say, and will be grateful for her friendship and love for the rest of my days.

So You Wanna Save Money? Be a Consignment Shoppin' Diva

Today I bought 60 pieces of clothing for my son, including a swim suit and swim shirt, Easter outfit, two pairs of shoes, five pairs of socks, and enough play outfits and church clothes to last at least the next six or seven months. I paid $150.

Do the math- that's roughly $2.50 an item. I.am.a.consignment.diva.

Twice a year my community has several large consignment sales for children's clothing, toys, books, shoes, furniture, strollers, and everything in between that you can possibly imagine. I. am. addicted. Finding bargains and avoiding the pain of paying full price for things is one of my favorite things, and makes shopping fun for me. It gives me a sense of euphoria to be able to find things I need, in good or great condition, for unbelievable prices. Here is a list of the things I've found for Munchkin at various consignment sales and our local consignment shop:

Fisher-Price Bouncy seat: $12
Graco stroller: $20
Baby Einstein Exersaucer: $40
Bumbo seat: $20
Infantino shopping cart cover, still in the box: $10 or $12 (can't remember exactly)
Numerous books and toys: All $10 and under
Baby Einstein DVD's: $5 a piece
Christening gown: $20 (I know someone who paid three times that for her baby's Christening outfit!)
Baby food bowls, spoons, forks and sippy cups: $10 for about 12 pieces
Baby bath tub: $8

This is just a small list, and it just includes the bigger items. Some other big items, like our high chair, I planned to buy at the seasonal consignment sale, but Munchkin needed one before the sale came around and I wasn't able to find one I like at our local consignment store. That is one of the downfalls of consignment shopping-you either have to wait for the large seasonal sale, or take what you can get at the local store. Now, this can mean that you find amazing jewels, like my Baby Einstein Exersaucer that I was thrilled to discover at our local shop. I had eyed the very same one at Babies R' Us the day before I bought it at the consignment store. I believe the original price is twice what I paid, and mine is in excellent condition.

It is really important to me, when I do shop consignment sales, that I buy quality items that aren't broken, have all the parts, are clean, not (too) faded and are at a reasonable price for their condition. Buying on consignment is a great way to save money, especially when you think of how much use, wear and tear children's items get. Also, if you do take good care of your children's clothes, stain treat them, wash them gently so they resist fading, etc., not only can you get use out of them with multiple children (if you are so blessed) but you may even be able to get some money back on them by consigning them yourself. What an amazing blessing to your family that would be, if you are able to find clothes at a consignment sale for a good price, your child(ren) can use them for as long as necessary, and then you make money on them by consigning them when you no longer need them!

There are, of course, quality levels of consignment sales/shops and the items themselves. Some sales/shops are pickier than others when it comes to quality of items, others allow pretty much any ol' stained, severely faded clothing or broken toys to be consigned. You must be very picky about how you spend your time and money when it comes to these sales. There are no returns, no guarantees or warranties with these items, at least that I've found. Making a list of things you need, by order of size, season and priority is a good idea. Also, do some research ahead of time to get an idea of how much certain items go for at retail value- such as double strollers, Exersaucers, Bumbo seats-as well as the retail value of certain brands- Baby Gap, Carter's, Fisher Price, Baby Einstein, Graco, etc. For example, my mom and I went to a large seasonal consignment sale today. It is the second to last day of the sale, which means that most items were 30% off. Tomorrow, most items are 60% off! Anyway, we had finished most of our shopping but I wanted to check out the double strollers. (Don't get any ideas- 8 month old Munchkin is enough for me at the moment!) A friend of mine is due in June, and her firstborn is only 2. She had gone to the sale a few days earlier in search of a double stroller, but hadn't been impressed with the selection or prices on what was left. Fine, that's her perogative. When I checked today, there was a beautiful, high quality PEG PEREGO double stroller for $185. With the extra 30% off, the stroller was $130. Still pretty pricey to be buying something used, yes. Now I know that Peg Perego is a pretty pricey brand. So $130 seemed pretty decent to me, but I wasn't sure how decent. I checked online for the retail price of the stroller. SEVEN.HUNDRED.DOLLARS. Moral of the story- have at least a general idea of the retail value for the big name brands. You may just end up finding a gem, a high quality item that will last through several children. Even if you don't know how much a certain brand usually runs, just whip out your cell phone and do a quick Google search like I did. Trust me, it'll be worth it.

No matter where you live, how many children you have or what ages they night be, the chances are good that you can find a consignment sale or shop to suit your needs. In my area alone, there are 4 seasonal consignment sales (which means they happen twice a year), and one of which is put on by Mothers of Multiples. You only have to have multiples to consign at this sale, but anyone can shop. Think of how many double strollers you'd be able to find at a sale like that!!

Maybe you've got plenty of disposable income or just prefer to buy things new, tags still attached, no other child ever having worn or played with the things you buy your child. That's fine. (Although I have found several clothing items with the tags still attached-some industrious women shop the major clearance sales at popular children's stores, buy cute clothes outrageously marked down and then consign them. To them I say, "You Go, Girl!") But I encourage you, if you're even the slightest bit curious about consignment sales or shops, try it! Try it for fun, for saving, for your family, to be an example of good stewardship, or just to try something new.

My last bit of advice: as I've said before, not all consignment sales and shops are created equal. If you try one and are unimpressed with it, do at least two of the following things: either go later on a sale day, or get there earlier next time to scoop up the best stuff first, OR try another consignment sale or shop altogether.

Happy (consignment!) shopping!!

Pour Your Heart Out-The Pain that Brings Change

"My arm pit hurts."

Snort. "Really? That's...weird, honey."

I rotated my shoulder and gingerly pressed my fingers into the sore part of my under arm. Huh. Whatever, I thought. It's probably an ingrown hair from shaving. Gross, but no big deal.

A few days later, at my yearly gynocologist appointment...

"So, Emily, everything looks good and looks healthy. We'll have the results of your Pap in a few days. Do you have any questions or concerns?"

"Well, it's kind of weird, Dr. L, but my arm pit has been hurting a bit for the last few days."

"Hmm, well let me just check it out and do another quick breast exam."

Seconds passed as she gently but thoroughly examined me.

"Well, I don't feel any lumps or bumps. There are lymph nodes up there that can get swollen if you've been sick, and actually your mammary glands go up that far, so you may have some milk up there since you're still nursing the Munchkin. If it doesn't go away in a few days, give us a call and we'll check it again."

"Thanks, Dr., sounds good."

About a week later, however, the pain hadn't subsided. In fact, it was more noticeable. I tried checking the area myself. I couldn't feel any lumps or weird things, but then again, I didn't often feel up my arm pits so I wasn't sure what I was looking for.

The suspense, more than the pain, was killing me. I had all kinds of scenarios in my head for what could be causing the pain, but I realized that worrying did nothing. So, I called back Dr. L and made another appointment.

"Well, Emily, again, I don't feel anything. I'm sorry this is still bothering you. I'm going to make an appointment for you at the Breast Center so that they can check you out and so that we can be on the safe side."

I was stunned. The Breast Center? As in, a real mammogram? I'm 29 years old. The Breast Center is for people who are older, or who have--Cancer. Breast Center?! It's just my arm pit, I screamed internally. I don't need the Breast Center!

The Worry Dragon took over.

"Oh, okay. Um, how soon do you think they'll be able to see me?" I wanted this over with as soon as possible.

"Probably the next few days. They'll fax us the results and we'll call you as soon as we get them."

As I drove home, my whole world came crashing down on me. I.Am.Not.Even.Thirty. I have a seven month old little boy who needs me. This is just some pain. In my arm pit, for crying out loud! Sure it's near my breast, but I can't have Cancer. No, no, no. Who's going to take care of Munchkin if I have to go through treatments? The Wiz has to work to keep us afloat! My mom? Super Grammy she surely is, but she works full time too. Stories of family members going through chemo and radiation speed through my brain. There is no way I can handle this. The thought of not being able to pick my son up, feed him, play with him, change his diapers, read to him- I couldn't stand it.

Okay, breathe Emily, I told myself. Dr. L didn't seem too worried. She didn't feel any lumps. It is way up in my arm pit. I'm not even 30 years old. Just breathe.

Then the Worry Dragon started up again: This is how it starts though. A routine doctor's appointment, a seemingly innocuous pain. What if it's Lymphoma? I have lymph nodes up there. And Cancer knows no age limits. My friend's wife just finished treatment for breast cancer and she's not even 35.

It was right then, thinking about my sweet baby's drooly, gummy smile, big blue eyes and chubby cheeks that I made a vow to myself and to him.

That's it, no more, I thought. If I can get through this unscathed, if this pain turns out to be nothing, I'm changing my life. Mind over matter. The Munchkin, the Wiz, they need me. I have to take care of myself better than I have been. I vow to turn my eating habits around to give my body the proper fuel and nutrition it needs to operate at optimum level. I vow to suck it up and actually exercise to reduce my stress and keep my body healthy. I can't take care of anyone else if I don't take care of myself. "Please, please, please, Lord. I just want to be here for my son, to take care of him, to see him grow up. I will be a better steward of the gifts you've given me if you'll just make this pain be a non-issue," I prayed.

My appointment day found me seemingly controlled on the outside, with a pit of worry in my stomach. I pumped as much milk as I could like the nurse had advised me, and took my pump with me. I was dreading the thought of putting my lactating breasts into a mammogram machine, but I'd do what I had to do.

I was the youngest woman in the waiting room, probably by about 15-20 years. The looks of curiosity mixed with sympathy in the other women's eyes unnerved me. I wanted to scream, "I don't have Cancer! I'm fine! Really!" But instead, I kept my mouth shut and sat quietly waiting to be called.

As I sat there, I tried to steel myself for what this appointment could bring, but how do you prepare yourself for the worst? My mind kept going back to the Munchkin, the Wiz, and how much I wanted to be there for both of them. It occurred to me that the strength that it takes for women diagnosed with any kind of cancer is immeasurable, and I felt sure that I did not possess such strength. I started looking around at the women sitting in the waiting room. Some with bald heads, or a slight fuzzy covering of downy hair starting to grow in. I wondered if they worried,"What if it's back? What if it's not gone yet?" Others with no signs that Cancer had touched them yet, waiting for their routine yearly mammogram. I could imagine that tiny voice, that tiny fear in the back of their minds,"What if they find something?"

I said a silent prayer for all of us- all women- that we would have the strength to face whatever we were dealt today.

As I sat in the patient room, irritated by the rustle the paper gown made every time I fidgeted, the worry was replaced by guilt, thinking of all those moments I took for granted with the Munchkin and the Wiz. Every middle of the night nursing moment, I should have said a prayer of thanks. Every pair of The Wiz's shoes I tripped over in the bathroom should have made me shake my head and chuckle, instead of shake my head and stomp my foot in exasperation. Because every moment, every smile, every second of our lives is a gift. I should have said a prayer of thanks that I was alive, that I was blessed with a healthy baby, and with the ability to nurse him. I should have said a prayer of thanks that my husband was healthy, and loved him for his forgetfulness and quirks. Because that's the beauty and gift of life. Being present for these moments is priceless.

As the tech rotated the ultrasound over the tender spot in my under arm, I couldn't bring myself to look at the screen, or at the tech. I knew that with every squint of her eyes or pursing of her lips, I would jump out of my skin. Instead, I closed my eyes and waited.

"Lord, be gentle in Your mercy," I thought.

Silent moment after silent moment passed. She left and brought in another ultra sound tech. They murmured to each other, gently rotating the sonogram wand and pressing into the tender spot in my under arm. I tuned them out, concentrating on the rise and fall of my breath.

Finally, she spoke.

"Well, Emily, it seems that this is just a lymph node that's causing the pain, probably from the cold you've had. I don't see anything worth worrying about, so you're good to go."

"Wha? It's okay then?" I felt my hunched shoulders slowly start to relax and tears pin prick my eyes.

"Yes. If anything changes, like if you start feeling a lump there, or a little b.b. sized marble type feeling, give us a call back. But you go on home now and nurse that sweet baby."

I left the office speechless and grateful. On the way out, I repeated my silent prayer for the women still waiting, and went home to my sweet baby, determined to make good on the vow I had made.

Mommy Guilt...my baby doesn't have any friends!!

My Munchkin is the coolest. He is the most laid back, funny, happy baby. He makes the cutest zerbert/raspberry noises while he intensely focuses on playing with his toys. He is friendly towards all people who smile or talk to him in stores. Recently we attended our second play date with several of my former coworkers and their children. The babies ranged from 6 months to almost a year old. It seemed that we all got pregnant right around the same time. The first time we had a play date, Munchkin was cool as a cucumber. He wasn't sitting up yet, so he spent the majority of his time laying on the floor, or bouncing in the bouncer seat. Other babies were a little overwhelmed by all the action and noise. Not my baby. He had a blast.

This last time, not so much.

He was sort of a weepy, fussy mess almost the entire time. Granted, the play date was running into his nap time, and it was almost his nursing time.

But I left that last play date panicking. As I have been reviewing our daily schedule and life, I've realized that although I do plan around Munchkin's nap and meal times, I haven't really been doing a very good job at planning activities for him.

I signed him up for a story time at our local library a few months ago, but we've never been able to make it there. In my defense, the story time for his age group starts at 9:30. Exactly when he is usually snoozing away for his first morning nap.

We've visited the zoo with friends and their kids. But the kids spent the whole time in their strollers. It's not like they were actually interacting.

I've had a standing weekly appointment with a girlfriend of mine to walk. But her little one is now 2 years old and not exactly interested in hanging with a Munchkin who can't keep up and play on the playground with him. Can't say that I blame him, either.

I'm feeling a little selfish, a little foolish, a little clueless. Selfish because I feel like I've been putting my needs before his- carting him all over creation to run hither and yon, instead of enrolling him in some class to meet other babies. Foolish because I feel like all other mommies know to do these kinds of things, and maybe I'm late to the game. Clueless because I am not sure where to start, how it's going to go, and if we can afford to enroll him in anything.

Thankfully, we have an all ready paid up gym membership, which does provide child care. I think I'm going to try and swallow my Mommy Anxiety and try it out next week. I'm not making any promises- the first couple of times may only be for 10 or 20 minutes, but hey, it's a start, right? It'll get us out of the house, mommy gets to exercise, Munchkin gets to learn that when I drop him off somewhere that I am ALWAYS going to come back, and maybe he'll get to play with some other babies close to his age.

Another good thing is that a few of the places I've researched- My Gym and Kindermusik-allow parents to bring their children for a free preview class before enrolling. I am extremely happy about this. This way I can gauge how beneficial and fun these programs will be to the Munchkin's well being.

Lastly, I've joined a local mommy's group. So far I've enjoyed the two "Mommies" nights with these ladies, and I hope I can start bringing Munchkin to some of the play dates and make friends.

There are lots of opportunities out there. One of the biggest things is that all of these opportunities take me well out of my comfort zone. I can be extremely introverted, self-conscious and awkward in new social situations. I am just holding on to the belief that will all of the opportunties around us, that the Munckin and I will find a few that will really fit our needs and help us both grow. Wish me luck!