PHEW! I can't believe that Patrick will be seven weeks old tomorrow! This motherhood thing is incredible, and incredibly hard! I can't tell you how many times a day I look at him and think about how beautiful he is, or how cute, or how grateful I am to have him. I think back to all those months of trying to get pregnant and just say a prayer of thanks. It's amazing how connected I feel to him. I will say, the first two weeks of his life were the hardest weeks of mine so far. I was exhausted, partly because of labor and partly because I couldn't sleep once we were home- every peep or grunt he made had me jumping out of bed to see if he was okay. On top of that, breastfeeding! Whoa. I had no idea how painful it would be when my first milk came in, or how much anxiety I would feel over making sure he was eating enough, making sure I was recognizing his "hunger signs" and giving him what he needed. It was a lot of pressure, and there were MANY times those first two weeks that I regretted trying breastfeeding, wanted to give up, and decided I'd never have another baby again, because I couldn't handle the stress. I cried more than I've ever cried before, several times a day, about the most silly things! Thankfully, with the passage of time and a little help from Mr. Zoloft, things began to even out with my hormones, I started getting the hang of things, and started to actually enjoy being a mom. There are still days when I have to secure Patrick in his swing and walk down the hall for a second because he's crying, and I've tried everything I can do to make him comfortable or console him to no end. Sometimes moms just need a break, even if it's only 5 minutes. There are also some nights when I can't believe how tired I am, or how much this little guy eats. But, I'm still amazed that when he wakes up at night and cries to eat, his cry strikes a chord through me-it's almost a physical experience-and I'm up and ready to feed him. I am also officially a "stay at home mom" as I resigned from my job last week. It was a harder decision than I realized it would be. Especially during those first two weeks after Patrick was born, I would start to day dream about getting my classroom ready, putting on decent looking clothes, having adult interaction, having a purpose other than to be the main food source and caretaker of this little guy. (These day dreams would happen usually during a crying fit, or when I'd been without adult interaction for a while!) But then came the question: who in the world can possibly take care of my son better than me? With more love? I'm sure I know plenty of capable friends and family members that would do an excellent job of taking care of him during the day while I worked, but I just couldn't imagine handing him over to someone every morning and being away from him all day. After things started to smooth out, I started to realize that I could handle being at home all day. I've lined up a few activities-weekly mall walks with a girlfriend, a Bible Study for moms, a weekly date night with my hubby. With those things, on top of the business of doing a mom and house wife's work- keeping order in our home and taking care of our little guy, I'm plenty busy! I will admit that I started an "accomplishment journal" in my daily planner. I've started listing all of the things that I accomplish each day, just so I can look back on it and feel good about my whole day, and avoid feeling like all I've done all day is sit on the couch and hold my child. It may seem silly, and I may not always need it, but as I'm just starting this new job, it's something that makes me feel good to do, so I'll continue to do it. My friend Angela, who has a blog of her own which follows life with twin girls, has an incredible talent for photography. She was kind enough to come over and do a "photo shoot" with Patrick! Hope you like them!
Patrick Kevin arrived on August 7, 2010, at 7:41 am. He weighed 6 pounds, 11 ounces and was 18 and a half inches long at birth. We are doing well, and are adjusting to this crazy, amazing, wonderful life with our little man!! Pictures and more info to come soon, as soon as I get more than a minute!!! He looks JUST like his daddy- which I love.