Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The most beautiful sight and sound

My lima bean is beautiful. Our appointment went very well today, without a hitch, praise the Lord!! I am so grateful and so relieved after my appointment today! Just to see the little bean in there, and to see that fluttering heartbeat-Thank you, Father!!! Today it sank in- there is actually a baby inside me. I saw it with my own two eyes today. We also were able to hear the bean's heartbeat, which was incredible. I don't have words, I just don't have words to describe how I feel right now. We love our bean so much already. Both DH and I got teary (I was a little more weepy than him :)). I am just so grateful and so happy today. We had a good visit with the Fetal Medicine doctor, who was great. He spent so much time talking to us about why my doc would be a bit concerned due to my heart condition, and was also very positive. Thankfully, I haven't historically been very symptomatic of my heart condition throughout my life, which the doctor is taking as a good sign. Also, my pregnancy has been going well so far in terms of my level of energy and not being out of breath too much. So, here's to more hope and many, many, many more prayers as we continue on this journey to parenthood! My next appointment is with my normal doc on Jan. 19. It's just a routine appointment (actually my first with her since I found out I was pregnant.) I believe there will be all sorts of peeing in a cup, maybe a blood test, etc. Thanks for all of the prayers. Please know how much we appreciate them, and how much they are still needed.
Thank you, Father!!!

Friday, January 1, 2010


On Wednesday, DH and I will go to the Fetal Medicine doc for our very first ultrasound. I am terrified. This whole experience has felt like a dream, surreal and thrilling on one hand, but frightening on the other because I'm afraid that one of these days I'm going to "wake up" to realize it hasn't been real. After spending time with some loved ones, it has become very clear to me just how trying it is to be a parent, and how exhausting. This last week, it has hit me that having a baby changes EVERYTHING, and that things between DH and I will never be the same again. I'm ashamed to admit it, but that has inspired some pangs of fear in me. I'm NOT at all sad that we're having a baby by any means. It's just that the unknown is scary. I wonder how well we'll communicate, how we'll handle the inevitable discipline situations, and handle the extra work and responsibility around the house and with the baby. But, let me state that I am really happy with the fact that things will never be the same. I've seen DH interact with some of our younger family members lately and I've just about busted at the seams because it is just so darn CUTE! I can only imagine and can't wait to see him interact with our child, hold our child. God willing, of course. Two of my very good friends are also pregnant, one due in June and the other due in July; I'm due in August. I don't know what I'll do or how I'll feel if something goes wrong with this pregnancy, and there are my two good friends, with brand new babies when I should have one too. See how my mind works? My mom keeps telling me I need to have positive expectations, and to be positive. I agree with her, but I'm also scared to get my hopes up too much. I just don't know how to balance my hopes with the reality that something bad could happen with this pregnancy. For now, I'm trying not to think about it too much, but to focus on other things. I keep reminding myself that there's nothing I can do about this except pray, because worrying does nothing positive at all. I am also trying to remind myself that God has a plan for us and that I just need to have faith in His plan. Please pray for us, friends, as we prepare to see the doctor on Wednesday.
Have a very Happy New Year.